Music

I love music.  I've said for years that music is in my soul.  I have a very eclectic taste in music and enjoy a wide scope of genres...from jazz, classical, opera, rock, alternative, blues, broadway, big band, folk, world, (a LITTLE BIT of) country (..and I'd say mostly bluegrass and "old" country rather than the new fangled country).  So, if someone would have told me 10 years ago that I'd be a Willie Nelson fan I would have told them they're full of crap.  But,....here I am today..and I'm becoming a BIG Willie fan.  Imagine that!!  What I enjoy about his music is how "musical" it is.  Willie has a sense of what music is all about.  He conveys very well...emotion and perspective through his music.  He doesn't have an operatic voice...but it's distinctive and lyrical and therefore... brings a sort of freshness to the music he plays.  He's a musician AND an artist.

Music has the ability to communicate deep, meaningful emotions.  It is a medium that has no boundaries and has it's own universal language.  It can evoke the same emotion in a Russian as well as  a Chinese person...a black person as well as a white person.  It's why it's so powerful and so loved..and such a part of life.  So...today I take a moment to relish the proposition that I have a great collection of music..and I have the opportunity to continue to have even more exposure to great music, both old ground breaking genres and new, innovative music that will continue to flow from the creative minds of the up and coming generations.

Love...

I place a great deal of importance on interpersonal relationships.  I've felt this way since I was a small child and have always forged relationships independent of my parents, siblings, or other friends.  What I mean by that is that my developing a friendship with someone hasn't hinged on if they're acceptable to the people in my life.  It's based on interests, compatibility, and common values...and sometimes just an immediate bonding and attraction.  

Well..I'm going on 21 years of marriage and I feel less informed about relationships today than I did at 20 years of age.  When I was  younger, I took so much for granted because relationships seemed to come so easy.  My perspective was that if I gave enough, put as priority (often above myself) the people I loved, and always kept open then things would be good and I would get my needs met.  Not so, I've since learned.  People are who they are.  I can't change anyone but myself.  Nor can I determine how another individual will react to me.  I can be feeling all the love in the world...be feeling romantic, warm, and open...and it can be totally unreciprocated.  I don't believe it's this way intentionally.  It's just how people are hard wired.  But it's hurtful all the same, even when I tell myself I shouldn't be hurt or that it's redundant to have expectations different than what I know it will be like.  The heart doesn't seem to work in accord with reason.

I came across a quote recently in a book I read..and the gist of the quote is this:  "Loving someone is a choice you make everyday."  That seems to contradict and challenge the general populace's definition of Love.  And for me, it certainly did.  But the more I think about it, the more I come to agree with it.  I can choose to love regardless of what I receive back (or don't receive back).  But this is a more difficult path.  It's easy to love when you're receiving love but when you're receiving "nothing"...or not receiving what fulfills you or what you need, it's much more difficult.  I believe that God loves us with this kind of love and that Christ does also. Loving us regardless of what they receive back from us.  My hope for myself is that I can emulate this love throughout my relationships.

Relationships

Why are relationships so complicated?  And why do we humans seem to have a disease with relationships called.. disconnection?  Why does one side in a relationship always seem to give more than the other side?  And is this because of unhealthy dependency issues on the part of the one who's giving or is it a deficiency with the other party involved who doesn't have the inclination to extend themselves or have an emotional need to connect with their partner?  And how does one know how to draw the line and say, "no more"..."respect me, damnit!"?  And what does love look like anyway?  Grrr...

Old and New

What is it about new that I find so stimulating?  I was just thinking this morning as I opened a new tube of mascara and was applying it...how nice it was to be using a new tube...how smoothly it applied to my eyelashes and how CLEAN it was and how I'd like to have a new tube to use everyday.  That got me to thinking about other things that feel so nice new...  New music, a new book, New clothes, new shoes, newly cleaned house, new baby, new car, new acquaintance, new beginnings, newly fallen snow, a new day, spring, newly cut grass, a new school year, new students, ...and the list went on in my mind.  Then I thought.."well..isn't that a bit ungratful..to always be looking for something more than what I already have?  So, THAT led me to thinking about the opposite..OLD....and thinking how much I love and depend on and get comfort from old things... I've a terrible habit of keeping things beyond their use like a piece of clothing that I love and have worn for years.. a pair of shoes that have been so comfortable... I draw cheer, comfort, and pleasure from things like.....a nicknack someone has given me...old letters, cards, and e-mails...my older children...old friends, sisters & brothers and mothers and Papa, grandma...old photos... old acquaintances...old books, aged wine, aged cheese, evenings, weekends, history, etc..etc.  :)  So, I'm grateful for what I have, and look forward to what more there is to enjoy.  Here's to the new AND the old..and the comfort and stimulation that has come into my life by it all.