Today I feel like such a..... "nerd". I've been going through such a slump the past year or so. I don't know where the drive and passion for living has gone. It's like I'm sort of ...broken. Things that I used to derive so much enjoyment out of, I can't seem to be motivated to even care about anymore... for example... small things like cleaning my bedroom, folding my laundry and getting it put away, and big things like..working out, cooking,...and gardening...socializing with friends (I think about "going out" for an evening, and most of the time, I can't face it.) ...even reading (my all time favorite enjoyment since I was a kid..) seems to be too much of an effort most of the time. I used to get so much satisfaction out of having my life full, productive, and moving... I wake in the morning and want to put my head under my pillow and go back to sleep.

*sigh* I think I'm in a bit of a depression. I try to get off dead center..and I do well for a couple weeks...and then, plunk.. I'm back in that rut. Not being motivated to exercise just adds to the feeling of self disapproval and self incrimination. I hate it..but if I hate feeling this way.. why don't I do more about it?? grrrr.