I've come to the conclusion that the most important aspect of life is relationships.  In order to have any quality of life...one needs other people.  One can have all the talent, money, and fine accommodations that life has to offer and still have "nothing" if there's a lack of relationships that give nurturing and care.  I care deeply for the people who I've formed relationships with.  It goes completely against my nature to quit caring just because there's difficulties.  Believe me, I get angry, jealous, critical, feel neglected, feel lonely and/or isolated, feel vulnerable and insecure ..and I sometimes lash out and hurt those I love the most.  I can be sharp and critical...sometimes sarcastic...and very removed.   All these are my defense mechanisms.  But...

I believe that I will be judged by God based on how I treat people that have come into my life..from the deepest relationship to the most casual...my judgement will be based on how I've loved (or not loved) in those relationships.  I've been looking back over my life and know I have people who I need to ask forgiveness from.  Part of living true to myself is  developing uncompromising integrity within these relationships.  At times, I've compromised myself.  I feel terrible about it.  When I've hurt someone I love because of a weakness I have, I  ache over it until I can get it resolved.  When it's a situation where  there seems to be no resolution...it haunts me.  And today, I feel haunted.